The first month of the year is known for many things: the endless winter blues, new year/new you type resolutions and relationship break-ups. It can be a tough month when our instincts swing between wanting to make life changes, in the hope of having a better year this year, and wanting to hibernate away and do nothing until the sun comes out and the world is a warmer place to be.

January is notoriously known as ‘Divorce Month’ and there has been much media speculation that couples make it through the Christmas period so as not to spoil family holidays and then file for divorce as soon as possible in the new year. This is not strictly true. According to the Office for National Statistics, March is the peak month for divorce applications. However, break-ups are often a process and many people will look to initiate divorce or separation from their partners in January. Sometimes this process can be days or weeks but often it can take months or even years for people to move on and create a new life for themselves. When there are children involved, there will usually need to be a relationship of some sorts between co-parents which will evolve over time – it is never fully ‘over’ and there will always be work to do and compromises to be made.

Regardless of how a romantic relationship ends – with a fizzle, a bang or a whimper – it can bring a huge amount of change and challenge. As with any big life change – break ups can affect physical health, mental health, emotional wellbeing, financial security, friendships, family networks and housing arrangements. People can experience anxiety, depression and stress as they navigate the next stages of their life and grieve for what has ended or been lost. They can also experience low self esteem and be dealing with feelings of rejection and abandonment that are deeply painful. Loss of confidence in oneself and fears about being alone forever are common at this time. There can also be huge conflict between ex-partners over money, children, infidelity and other issues that take a toll on day to day living.

Psychosexual and relationship therapy can be an incredibly helpful way for individuals to process the personal impact that a relationship break-up is having on them and to move forward into the next stage of their life with more confidence and contentment. Couples therapy can also support intimate partners who are considering ending their relationship to be sure that they are doing the right thing. Desire can be rekindled, it is possible to recover from a betrayal and new intimacy and stronger bonds can be forged when couples work through their problems in therapy. Where intimate relationships are definitely over then a therapist can also support a separating couple to reduce conflict and communicate better with each other so that the break-up is less traumatic than it might be otherwise.

January is the month of change where the days start getting longer and lighter again and we are making small steps out of winter and towards the spring time. So whatever changes you are making in your life and relationships this year, or are thinking of making, just remember that there is help out there if you need it and to take small steps towards light and warmth to help you on your journey.

Photo by George Hiles on Unsplash